Clare-aracteristics: typically alert and have streamlined behavior; studious, productive, unless they are sleep/food-deprived and on a permanent caffeine high from the last several weeks. Then you get shit like:

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Wednesday night, 10:00PM: I realize I don’t know anything in class-that-I’m-failing and I’m behind on readings for class-that-I’m-doing-awesome in. I start to worry…

Ideal Course of Action: Pull an all-nighter and study.

The reality: Declined an offer of coffee, in the interest of giving my body a rest from many days of being hard-wired with caffeine. Passed out on three separate occasions while attempting to study via lecture podcast, gave up (I tried, I tried!). Fell dead asleep around 3:00AM at my friend’s apartment. That term paper and one hour of sleep the day before, ah, fucked me up. Amount of studying accomplished? Nada.

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Thursday morning, 7:00AM: Woke up thinking, fuck! I should probably go to the library and check out that textbook that I’ve never read and maybe read some chapters, so that maybe I can pick up some…information. Skated to my apartment to change, stuffed food in my mouth, grabbed my gallon of orange juice (extra pulp!) fridge and poured myself a glass and…

Ideal Situation: Catch the bus to the library, check out & read textbook. Take finals at 11:00AM and 2:00PM.

The reality: The bus is stopping, I pat my pockets and realize I have no ID card. Shit! I lie convincingly to get a free ride. At library, I read the sign that ID cards are required to check out materials from Reserves. Shit! I convince random well-dressed guy, also awake at this ungodly hour, to check out my book for me. Bury my head in the textbook. It only makes me realize screwed I am & just how many lectures I have missed.

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Thursday morning, 10:00AM: Shit! I remember some professors require you to have an ID card for verification purposes during finals. Having missed that lecture where he talked about the final, I don’t want to risk it. Catch the bus back to my apartment to grab my ID. Look at the kitchen counter and oh, wow, the orange juice is right where I forgot all about it. Return the OJ gallon to the fridge and chug the glass poured three hours ago (I figure it’s still good), say morning to my housemate, skate out the door to catch the bus looping down to campus…

Ideal Situation: There is none. Keep reviewing notes. Um, out of options – hope for a miracle?

The reality: PURE RELIEF. Final was conceptual and not factual/detail oriented. Bullshit through the experiment-based questions that make up most of the final with my SHARP critical-analytical skills, finishing an hour ahead of schedule. I have some fucking luck. I am so passing this class. But no more slacking off.

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Thursday noon, 12:00AM: At a cafe, downing an iced mocha (I lied-I NEED THIS). If I forgot about the orange juice, I wonder what else I forgot about? Uh oh. I was supposed to return this book I borrowed from the grad student today, I think I packed it in my backpack this morning…

Ideal Situation: Find book in backpack. Read over some chapters before my second final.

The reality: In place of book, is my laptop?! Book must still be at friend’s apartment. Scrounge around for my cellphone, to call friend to bring book, perhaps? Damn, forgot cellphone at home. Pull out laptop, AIM for a while, check out some RSS feeds, review for the final, which is about the only thing that went as planned today. Then I realized I didn’t have a bluebook, so I had to go and buy one and rush to the final, which was much more difficult than I expected, because I was burning out by like 2:00PM…

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Thursday afternoon, 4:00PM: The newest problem is that the MCB departmental office closes at 5:00PM and it will take me that long to finish my shift. I also have to turn in the keys and my timesheet, but if I turn in my keys first then I can’t get back in the fish facility? Grr, I’m getting this done today.

Solution: Speed. I’m hungry. And tired. Mostly hungry. Or tired. Feeling dead. Skate to catch the bus.

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Thursday afternoon, 6:00PM: I’m home! Shower, eat, do dishes, chill with housemates, dump out in my backpack, and skate over to a friend’s. Where I am determined to finish this *points to huge to-do list* before tomorrow. Like get a taxi quote, exchange my order, schedule another pick-up for Comcast, etc. Move out day is August 31st, so it’s around time to get the ball rolling…

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Thursday night, 10:00PM: So. I’m pretty fucking tired already. For the last month or so I’ve been awake ~20 hours a day. I’m starting to notice the effects. In the way my mind feels slightly disjointed, thinking in twenty directions at once; my body is actually working. I have some crazy muscle memory: how I manage to stay balanced on a skateboard running on days when I have no energy, I don’t know.

Twenty hours is the amount I need to get everything I want done in a day. I’m tired, but fuck, it’s fucking euphoric because my life is quite fulfilling (like dark chocolate), at the expense of sleep. My memory runs like Memento, haha, and I ramble so much when I’m sleepy.

I stay awake through sheer force of will, but matter is overtaking mind. I just wind up…crashing

like right now…yeah goodnight, maybe, for an hour?

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